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 Cryptic Words

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Montana Mike
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PostSubject: Re: Cryptic Words   Mon Feb 16, 2009 2:06 am

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months

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Explosive Racing
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PostSubject: Re: Cryptic Words   Mon Feb 16, 2009 2:02 pm

----The Following Sentence Is True--> <--The Previous Sentence Is False----
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Montana Mike
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PostSubject: Re: Cryptic Words   Mon Feb 16, 2009 2:06 pm

A thief who fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal

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PostSubject: Re: Cryptic Words   Mon Feb 16, 2009 3:26 pm

A GUY TIRED A ROPE TO A CENTERBLOCK AND STOOD ON AN OVER PASS

AND THREW THE BLOCK AT A CAR THINKING HE COULD JUST PULL IT BACK UP AND DO IT AGAIN

WELL THE GUY THREW THE BLOCK OFF THE OVER PASS AND IT WENT THREW THE WIND SHIELD OF A MACK TRUCK

THE TRUCKER GOT PULLED OVER AND CHARGED WITH ARMED ROBBERY
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PostSubject: Re: Cryptic Words   Tue Feb 17, 2009 10:16 pm

A woman walks up to the bar and asks the bar tender for a double entendre. He gives it to her.
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PostSubject: Re: Cryptic Words   Thu Feb 19, 2009 1:28 am

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking

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PostSubject: Re: Cryptic Words   Sat Feb 28, 2009 12:24 pm

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules"
From the female side….

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Sub tle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football
or Hockey.

=0 A1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
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Fester
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PostSubject: Re: Cryptic Words   Sat Feb 28, 2009 12:30 pm

A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment, and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up. The husband said, 'Who was that?'

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'




Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'

The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'

So, the first blonde hands her the compact.


The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'


A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'

The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'




A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me... I know 'em all.'

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'

The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy. Its W.'




Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'




Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'



Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND COP!'
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Fester
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PostSubject: Re: Cryptic Words   Sat Feb 28, 2009 12:32 pm

YOU GOTTA LOVE A GOOD NURSE

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all
was well.

However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.
Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily.

Written in large black letters was the sentence:
"Get well soon....from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week..."
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PostSubject: Re: Cryptic Words   Sat Feb 28, 2009 12:49 pm

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply

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PostSubject: Re: Cryptic Words   Mon Mar 16, 2009 2:02 am

whats the difference between Micheal jackson and a grocery bag?


1 is white and dangerous around children and the other 1 you use for groceries
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PostSubject: Re: Cryptic Words   Mon Mar 16, 2009 6:50 am

What did Nichole Brown Simpson say to Eon Goldman just before the murders ???


If you eat it the juice will kill you !
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